Fake Tanner Debacle

So yesterday was my two year anniversary with my wonderful husband!!! It was absolutely wonderful. He walked in the door with two bouquets of flowers (roses and daisies) and three cases of diet coke. That man knows the way to my heart. We also went to the melting pot where I ate my bodies weight in melted cheese, bread and chocolate (of course). My dad was watching the Mads so we were able to take our time and really enjoy our anniversary. Minus the food poisoning afterwards, it was fantastic!

 


Ok. So I would like to preface this conversation with the fact that I have never fake tanned. I have never used a product to alter the tone or shade of my skin. That being said, I decided that it was a great idea to dip my toe into the fake tanning waters. I wanted that wonderful, healthy glow. The same one that you get after a day at the beach. Well... The same one that other people get. I am super fair, as you can see from my pictures. Since I am so fair I decided that I would do a baby step. Before spending tons of money on mitts, mousses and sprays I tried the Jergens Natural Glow. I used shade Fair to Medium.

My first impression was "How bad could this be?". Let me start by describing how I used it. It says to put it on evenly and rub it in. It also says to be wary of your ankles, elbows and knees. I'm assuming that's because it will cling to those areas.

On the bottle it says "Gradually creates flawless natural-looking color". Yes. Totally natural. If you decide to take a dip in chemical waste. I had a lovely orange glow similar to what I assume bathing in radiation looks like.  Here is a picture of my ankle compared to my feet.

I left my feet without product so I could see if there really was a profound difference. Silly me. After one application I was orange. Now, keep in mind I applied it while Mads took her surprisingly short nap. Could I have applied it more evenly? Absolutely. When I went back and finished I did it correctly, and it was still terrible. The color was unnatural, it was very splotchy over my dryer patches of skin. It takes a lot to get my husband to say I look anything but perfect. He took one look at my arms and said "that looks terrible". I would post more pictures but I scrubbed and exfoliated my skin within an inch of its life.


I think the moral of this story is that I need to accept that I can have a nice healthy glow to my skin. I will just need to rely on bronzer. I think this will be my last attempt at a fake tan to preserve my dignity and my marriage.


Alright. It's that time again. Feast your eyes on baby pictures! Because I am that Mom, and I can't help myself.

Normally she looks like Anthony, in this picture she is all me.